Koliko ste puta primijetili da vam se čini da je osoba koja razgovara s vama ometana telefonom ili računalom ili pametnim satom? Osjećate da osoba nije u potpunosti uključena u razgovor i propušta detalje na koje je trebala odgovoriti pravilno i s više pažnje. To je ono što se zove Phubbing , i kida odnos između obitelji i prijatelja.

Što je Phubbing

Tehnologija^(Tech) je postala dio našeg svakodnevnog života, a mi smo joj dopustili da napadne mjesta gdje su privatnost, pažnja i razgovor jedan na jedan važan. Telefoni, računala, pametni satovi^(Smartwatch) sve što koristite cijelo vrijeme bez obzira gdje se nalazite. Stekli smo naviku da vadimo telefon između razgovora, samo stalno klimamo glavom, gledamo u telefon i nudimo lažnu prisutnost. Ovo je Phubbing koji remeti vaše trenutne, lične odnose.

Što Phubbing znači za osobne odnose

Prošao sam kroz ovo, i to je toliko duboko da sam se počeo odvajati od svih u svojoj obitelji^{(disconnecting from everyone in my family)} . Osjećali su da sam ih ignorirao, što mi nije bila namjera, ali tada jesam. Svaki dan kad bih se vratio kući, zgrabio bih telefon i nasumično provjeravao stvari, za vrijeme ručka, doručka, i bilo je još gore. Obitelj^(Family) i prijatelj^(Friend) trebaju svoje vrijeme s vama, a ja sam bila zauzeta istraživanjem društvenih mreža bilo zbog posla ili zabave. Toliko da je postalo kronično.

Utječe na odnose, pa čak i na mentalno zdravlje vašeg supružnika:^{(Affects relationships and even your Spouse mental health:)}

Tretirajte ovo kao pasivno pušenje^{(Passive Smoking)} . Kada jedno drugome ne posvetite dovoljno vremena, osjećate se ignorirano, a pažnja koju bi supružnici posvetili jedno drugom odlazi negdje drugdje. Vaš partner može doživjeti depresiju i niže zadovoljstvo u braku^{(Your partner may experience depression and lower marital satisfaction)} . To bi moglo dovesti do razvoda ako se uzme u kroničnu razinu. Obitelj treba pažnju, ne zato što je treba, već zato što je zaslužuje.

Mentalno i tjelesno zdravlje:^{(Mental & Physical Health:)}

To rezultira jakim bolovima u vratu^{(severe neck pains)} . Držati glavu spuštenu i cijelo vrijeme gledati u telefon, dugoročno boli. Možda nećete ni vidjeti da dolazi. Nastavljate pomicati svaki put kada gledate stvari koje nikada ne bi napravile veliku razliku u stvarnom životu. Mentalna koncentracija je toliko visoka, da ste potpuno odsječeni od stvarnog svijeta, što je dovelo do nesreća. ^{(you get totally get cut off from the real world, and has lead to accidents. )}

Osjećao sam se još gore. Nije se baš bilo lako koncentrirati^{(not really easy to concentrate)}  na nešto drugo ili uskočiti u razgovor odmah nakon što sam pritisnuo telefon.

Kako zaustaviti Phubbing

Polako sam shvatila jer mi je obitelj počela davati manje pažnje jer sam bila zauzeta sobom, a i oni su htjeli ostati zauzeti. Kad sam tražio vrijeme, bili su zauzeti i okusili su moj vlastiti lijek. Konačno, morao sam postaviti neka pravila i dijelim ih s vama:

Nema telefonske zone kod kuće^{(No Phone Zone at Home)}

Dok potpuno skidanje nije bilo rješenje. Tako smo došli bez telefonskih zona. Telefon sam držao isključeno sljedeća 3 sata nakon što sam stigao kući. Dao sam^(Gave) vrijeme obitelji, razgovarao o raznim stvarima, svakodnevnim obiteljskim stvarima, razgovarao sa svojim sinom o njegovom danu i tako dalje. Telefon je držan u drugoj prostoriji i trebao se javiti samo kad bi stigao važan poziv.

To sam prakticirao posvuda i ograničio sam se na korištenje telefona samo 30 do 40 minuta kada sam kod kuće, i to u redovnom uredskom danu.

Nema telefonske zone s prijateljima^{(No Phone Zone with Friends)}

Ovo je bilo još teže, a jedini izlaz bio je potpuno stišati zvono. Držite telefon u džepu, a ako smatrate da su pozivi vrlo važni, uvijek se možete povezati s Bluetooth slušalicom i prisustvovati im. Uvijek sam se pobrinuo da, kada se prijatelji sretnu, svi drže podalje naše telefone. Uvijek smo se trudili uopće ne vaditi telefon.

Nije bilo baš lako. Navika držanja telefona, provjeravanja bez razloga. Morao sam se boriti sa svojim osjećajem očekivanja da ću dobiti poruku. To je jednako dobro kao i borba protiv navike pušenja.

Evoluirajte u zonu bez telefona na osobnoj razini^{(Evolve into a No Phone Zone on a personal level)}

Čak i ako sve držite po strani, Phubbing vas boli na osobnoj razini. Vrijeme koje posvećujemo društvenim mrežama zapravo se ne isplati osim ako nije povezano s vašim poslom i zarađuje vam novac. Svaka^(Every) minuta koju provedete tamo znači da ne radite nešto što bi vam moglo pomoći da rastete, naučite nešto novo u životu. Razmisli o tome.

Shvatio sam da se stvari popravljaju nakon što sam počeo slijediti pravila. Koncentracija mi je bila bolja, dobro sam komunicirao s obitelji. Mogao sam raspravljati o temama koje sam oduvijek želio jer sam ih izgubio tijekom Phubbinga.

Koristite tehniku ​​kada je trebate. Ovladajte njime, tako da ga kontrolirate.^{(Use tech when you need to use it. Master it, so you control it.)}

What is Phubbing and What it means for personal relations

How many times haνe you noticed that a рerson talking with уou seems to be distracted either by phone or a PC or on their smartwatch? Yоu feel the person is not completely into a conversation and misses out on details where he or she should have responded properly, and with more аttention. This is what is called as Phubbing, and it’s tearing apart relationship between families and friends.

What is Phubbing

Tech has become part of our daily life, and we have allowed it to invade places where privacy, attention, and one to one person conversation is important. Phones, PCs, Smartwatch anything that you use all the time no matter where you are. We have grown a habit of pulling out our phone in between a conversation, and just keep nodding our heads, and looking at the phone and offering a false presence. This is Phubbing which is disrupting your present-moment, in-person relationships.

What does Phubbing mean for personal relations

I have been through this, and it went so deep that I started disconnecting from everyone in my family. They felt that I had been ignoring them, which was not my intention but then I was doing. Every day I reached back home, I would snag my phone, and check things randomly, while lunch, while breakfast, and it became worse. Family and Friend need their time with you, and I was busy exploring social media either for work or fun. So much that it became chronic.

Affects relationships and even your Spouse mental health:

Treat this like Passive Smoking. When you don’t give proper time to each other, you feel ignored, and the attention which spouses would have given to each other goes somewhere else. Your partner may experience depression and lower marital satisfaction. This could lead to divorce if taken into a chronic level. A family needs attention, not because they need it, but because they deserve it.

Mental & Physical Health:

It’s resulting in severe neck pains. Keeping your head lowered and looking at the phone all the time, does hurt in the long term. You might not even see it coming. You keep scrolling every time looking at stuff which would never make a lot of difference in real life. The mental concentration goes so high, that you get totally get cut off from the real world, and has lead to accidents. 

I have felt even worse. It was not really easy to concentrate on something else or jump into a conversation right after I had kept my phone down.

How to stop Phubbing

Slowly, I realized because my family started giving me less attention because I was busy with myself and they wanted to stay occupied too. When I was seeking time, they were busy and got the taste of my own medicine. Finally, I had to lay down some rules, and I am sharing it with you:

No Phone Zone at Home

While taking it completely off wasn’t a solution. So we came up with no phone zones. I kept down my phone for next 3 hrs after I reached home. Gave time to family, talked about various things, daily family stuff, talked with my son about his day, and so on. The phone was kept in other room and was only to be attended when an important call came in.

I practiced this everywhere and restricted myself to use the phone only for 30 to 40 minutes when at home, and on a regular office day.

No Phone Zone with Friends

This was even tougher, and only way out was to turn down the ringer completely. Keep the phone in the pocket, and if you feel calls are very important, you can always connect with a Bluetooth earphone, and attend them. I always made sure that when friends meet, everyone kept our phones away.  We always tried to not take out the phone at all.

It wasn’t really easy. The habit of holding the phone, checking on it for no reason. I had to fight my sense of expectation of getting a message. It’s as good as fighting the habit of smoking.

Evolve into a No Phone Zone on a personal level

Even if you keep everything aside, Phubbing is hurting you on a personal level. The time we are putting on social media is not really worth it unless its related to your work, and it’s making you money. Every minute you spend there means, you are not doing something which could help you grow yourself, learn something new in life. Think about it.

I have realized that things were improving after I started following the rules. My concentration was better, I was communicating well with my family. I was able to discuss topics which I always wanted by lost them during Phubbing.

Use tech when you need to use it. Master it, so you control it.

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